Every now and then I pick a colourful romance novel – the type where there’s a cartoon on the cover, in hopes of cleansing my palate. This time, I’ve picked Ava Wilder’s novel – Will they or won’t they, a show-biz romance between the co-stars of a series who are forced to work together for the reunion show, just to be able to re-invigorate their careers.

Besides the drab romance, the book offers a well-known foray into the lives of struggling but gorgeous actors who are trying to “make it” in a city that is built on chewing up and spitting good looking actors. The chemistry is there on screen between the two leads but the tension comes from the fact that they used to be together and then they weren’t and the breakup was messy.

But that was the irony. As much as the fans were dying for them to get together, it would’ve been the kiss of death for the show once it actually happened. That tension was the engine that kept it running. As soon as they consummated things, either the relationship would become bloodless and boring or the writers would have to resort to an endless cycle of breakups, makeups, and manufactured drama.
The promise of their relationship—the fantasy of what could be—was what was appealing. Not the reality, after the honeymoon period was over and one heart or another had been broken, when they couldn’t be in the same room without sniping at, undermining, or just plain ignoring each other.

Lilah and Shane, just kiss already. They might hate each other but they respect each other’s professionalism on set.

Even she had to admit that she’d been impressed by Shane’s performance; she hadn’t thought he’d had it in him. She’d been less impressed by the garlic bagel with extra lox he’d eaten right before shooting it and had used every last scrap of her training to keep her face relaxed as he exhaled cured fish breath directly into it.

Lilah ends up thinking how she got into acting in the first place – as a way to build confidence in school and meet some new friends. It worked out.

It was sort of ironic, the way that slipping into someone else’s skin had allowed her to discover herself. Having the road map of a script in front of her, secure in the knowledge of exactly what she was supposed to do and how everything would unfold, gave her the freedom to let go, to exist purely in the moment. It got her out of the house, away from the offstage drama of her family. And she finally had some control over when and why people were looking at her.

And then she meets Shane during the audition of the show that would propel them both to fame – Intangible. The chemistry between them is out of this world and soon enough they touch hands, exchange glances and end up sleeping together. Unfortunately, as is with most Hollywood romances, you date potential, or date an image.

They spent a lot of time together, obviously, but they were usually working or fucking, their conversations rarely delving deeper than banter or small talk. She believed that he loved the idea of her, he loved sleeping with her, he loved that she fit into his life in a way that was both seamless and undemanding. But he didn’t love her. He couldn’t. She hadn’t shown him enough of herself for that to be possible.
Sometimes she’d catch him looking at her in a way that made her chest seize, because she could tell he wasn’t actually seeing her but whatever flawless, impossible fantasy woman he’d invented long ago and superimposed her face onto. He deserved to be with the woman he thought she was—someone soft, like him, whom he could hold as tightly as he wanted without finding himself sliced to ribbons when he pulled away.
There was a sick sense of relief in that, too. At least now he finally knew who he was dealing with. She wouldn’t have to spend the next few months pretending not to notice him slowly growing disenchanted with her the more she opened up to him.

From Shane’s perspective, he was discovered when bussing tables and was invited to audition (I know, every starlet’s dream!) and after 5 good seasons and 4 bad ones, he needs to figure out what type of work he needs to be in, so that his spotlight doesn’t fade. Unfortunately for him, he didn’t do any additional training and so his acting range is dubious – he can only play one role, one that matches his own personality (much like Ryan Reynolds).

Even with the leg up of coming off a hit show today, he could easily become That Guy from That Thing tomorrow. If he wanted to stay in the industry, it would be a constant battle for the next job. The schmoozing, the hustling, the disappointments, the humiliations. He had no idea how anyone handled it without burning out and breaking down.

The book itself is a bore and I found myself skipping whole chapters without feeling that I’ve missed anything important. Unfortunately, this will go straight to the donation bin.