For as long as she can remember, Evangeline Fox has believed in true love and happy endings . . . until she learns that the love of her life will marry another.

Desperate to stop the wedding and to heal her wounded heart, Evangeline strikes a deal with the charismatic, but wicked, Prince of Hearts. In exchange for his help, he asks for three kisses, to be given at the time and place of his choosing.

But after Evangeline’s first promised kiss, she learns that bargaining with an immortal is a dangerous game ― and that the Prince of Hearts wants far more from her than she’d pledged. He has plans for Evangeline, plans that will either end in the greatest happily ever after, or the most exquisite tragedy.

“I believe there are far more possibilities than happily ever after or tragedy. Every story has the potential for infinite endings.”

DNF – God, this book was bad. I really can’t see why it won the Goodread Reader’s choice awards. The story is puerile and the location has been done before in any fantasy series.

I was expecting a fairytale but got a confusing hot mess. The protagonist is annoying and silly and wishes that her lover marrying someone else would not marry her. They get turned to stone and she then regrets it and takes on the curse herself. Her lover still marries someone else and she becomes a statue. WTF.

Evangeline, as a protagonist and narrator, frustrated me endlessly. She’s insanely naïve, always trusting people she shouldn’t and wanting to help Marisol (her stepsister) when it’s very obvious that a) her sister is shady and up to no good and b) she generally has no reason to. The two of them have next to no relationship, but because Evangeline is so Wonderful and Perfect and Special Because She Has Pink Hair, of course she has to want to help. She’s also a very passive character: things happen to her, not because of her. Now, I know what you’re probably thinking: “Characters are allowed to be naïve! It’s part of their growth!” or “Characters are allowed to be nice! They don’t all have to be sword-wielding assassins or (insert other character trope here)”. Trust me, I hear you, but there’s a difference between those characters and Evangeline Fox.

The side characters – yes, including Jacks – in this book are no better. They’re all one-dimensional and flat, having one ‘unique’ aspect about them… and that’s it. I could tell you hardly anything about them. Jacks’ past with Donatella is briefly mentioned, but I wouldn’t really class that as him having personality, and I think it’s more fanservice for existing Caraval fans than anything.

I can separate this book into two parts: Before Evangeline Drinks the Poison and After Evangeline Drinks the Poison. I enjoyed the Before part, as After Evangeline Drinks the Poison is where Stephanie Garber seems to have forgotten the novel she promised to readers, and began writing something else entirely. Ergo, the plot had gone haywire.

“The fates weren’t dangerous because they were evil; the fates were dangerous because they couldn’t tell the difference between evil and good.”

The book’s plot follows no clear structure; it’s all over the place. Sure, there’s a little bit of “action” but that does nothing to redeem a story that is 99% Boring and 1% Interesting Scenes. There were numerous attempts at romantic scenes throughout the book, but Evangeline has no real chemistry with either of her potential love interests (one of them is literally cursed to be in love with her, so there’s that), so it did nothing for me and I skim-read most of them.

“He was still indescribably breathtaking, but it was all the tragic beauty of a sky where every single star was falling. His hair was a storm of broken gold. His eyes were a mess of silver and blue.”

Once Upon a Broken Heart took an extremely bizarre turn after the introduction of vampires. Yes, you read that correctly. Vampires. What the fuck are vampires doing in this book? It was so completely and utterly random, I was honestly thinking ‘what was Stephanie Garber on when she wrote this?’ while reading. We were given no real explanation as to why vampires were included either. It was like a complete abuse of authorial power on Garber’s part: she thought vampires were cool, so she just put them in the book, with no real thought as to the sense (or lack thereof) it would make. And trust me, it made zero sense. Unfortunately, around the last third of the book and its “plot” hinges on vampires, so there wasn’t any escaping them.

I hate all of the characters not because they’re layered, but because they’re so two-dimensional that I came up with better ones at 15. I cared about none of the characters, and when some of them popped up after a while of dormancy I didn’t even remember who they were. The dialogue is ridiculously cringe-worthy (If I have to read the words “Little Fox” “love at first” “happily ever after” and “kiss”, I will murder someone). There is no plot, and the pace exhibits this so well.

There was also a prophecy subplot, because of course there was. The prophecy in this book centres around the Valory Arch, a mysterious archway in The North which contains either treasure and secrets or deadly monsters (no one is really sure which). Evangeline, having such Main Character Energy, is the key to unlocking this arch/doorway (I get she literally IS the main character, but just roll with the punches here). I say it’s a subplot, but I honestly couldn’t tell you what was the main plot and what were subplots in this book. Garber weaved a lot of threads throughout Once Upon a Broken Heart, and they got tangled up at times.

As a ‘minor’ complaint, a lot is told to readers and not shown. For instance, after Evangeline has just woken up from being poisoned, she is told of a Week of Terrors that unfolded after the cancelled wedding, but we’re not given any information about it. Later, through dialogue, Evangeline learns of information she needs to know to progress the plot, but it’s done in quite a heavy-handed manner. There’s a lot of it, and wasn’t done subtlety or in small pieces, like you might see elsewhere in other novels.

To give myself something positive to say about this book, I did like its short chapters and relatively fast pacing. As a slow reader, I appreciated being able to get through this book super quickly. Yes, that’s all I have to say. Moving on!

The book ends on a cliffhanger. It’s somewhat intriguing, but I certainly won’t be reading the sequel. If for whatever reason, after reading this review, you’re still inclined to read Once Upon a Broken Heart, you might want to hold off on doing so until the sequel is out, as this will leave you with too many loose plot threads and unanswered questions – more than any book should.

His teeth grazed her pulse.

‘Jacks-‘ It was suddenly impossible to form words. His mouth was against her throat and his teeth were on her skin. HIs teeth! Evangeline finally pressed against his chest. But it was as useless as trying to battle a block of marble. Hot, sculpted marble. She wanted to tell him not to bite her, but saying the word bite didn’t seem like the wisest idea just then. ‘You won’t want this later.’

‘Not really thinking about later.’ He licked her, one languorous stroke up the column of her neck.

She gasped. ‘You don’t even like me.’

‘I like you right now. I like you a lot.’ He gently sucked her skin. ‘In fact, I can’t think of anything I like more.”