It was dawn, and the zombies were stumbling through the parking lot, streaming toward the massive beige box at the far end. Later they’d be resurrected by megadoses of Starbucks, but for now they were the barely living dead. Their causes of death differed: hangovers, nightmares, strung out from epic online gaming sessions, circadian rhythms broken by late-night TV, children who couldn’t stop crying, neighbors partying till 4 a.m., broken hearts, unpaid bills, roads not taken, sick dogs, deployed daughters, ailing parents, midnight ice cream binges.

So, I must say I really liked this book. I had the illustrated edition and I loved how the pictures got more and more horrifying from starting off as standard ORSK furniture assembly to full on “HOW TO BUILD A TORTURE CHAIR”.

The book is definitely a horror story, and much like that movie that was completely shot in IKEA over several weeks without them knowing, this book is completely centered around a knock-off IKEA called ORSK (and IKEA knows about it).

I loved how they described the layouts, the furniture, the people with such a perceptive eye that you feel like you’ve been there at least once and this could also happen in a town near you.

Not nearly as terrifying as Bentley Little’s The Store, the book shines in the descriptions of ORSK customers.

The Cuyahoga store had been operational for just eleven months, but it was already an open secret that it was falling short of corporate sales expectations. The failure wasn’t due to a lack of customers. On weekends especially, the Showroom and Market Floor were packed with families, couples, retirees, people with nowhere else to go, college kids and their roommates, new families with their new babies, grim-faced couples buying their first sofas … a legion of potential customers, clutching maps, bags stuffed with lists of model numbers written on sticky notes, with torn-out pages from the Orsk catalog, credit cards burning holes in their pockets, all of them ready to spend.
Yet for some inexplicable reason, sales weren’t hitting projections.

The characters are well defined and, personally, I couldn’t relate to any of them. Basil is a corporate tool (A job is what a guy in a gas station has. People at Orsk have work. It’s a calling. A responsibility to something bigger than yourself. Work gives you a goal. It lets you build something that lives on after you’re gone. Work has a purpose beyond making money.). Amy is a drop-out and has failed at most things through her adult life. Ruth Ann is so bland you can call her the flour of spices.

A few crazy things happen and Basil and the two girls decide to stay after hours (for double overtime) to find out what’s causing it. Unbeknownst to them, a filming crew is also there, trying to film a ghost story in ORSK. When they meet during their nightly rounds, they make friends and start discussing life and spirits.

I believe a ghost is a subjective experience. It doesn’t have an objective reality. It exists solely in the perceptions of the people who see it.”

As most horror movies go, the book is also slow to introduce the thrill, keeping you at the edge of your seat as noises intensify and the people trapped in the mind-re-education camp appear.

She heard the bass roar of the massive HVAC system, and she listened past that. She heard the wide, unnatural emptiness of the store, then the gurgle of pipes in the walls. She heard the building creaking and popping as it settled around them

There are some really gross scenes so if you’re easily put off by bodily fluids, don’t read this. There’s also gore and torture scenes, most containing an ORSK furniture piece.

The evil presence is also truly demented.

I’ve been looking forward to treating you most of all. I shall present you with a variation of my tranquilizing chair that will guide you to the fulfillment of your true nature. For this is not a penitentiary, you see. It is a mill. A mill to manufacture sound minds. It is quite easy to begin. Something I learned from the Serbian tribes. Churches are built where saints were martyred. A bridge requires a child in its foundations if it is to hold. All great works must begin with a sacrifice

It all comes crashing in the end with at least three dead or missing and a wave of rats. Of course the corporation wants to silece everyone and either promises to promote the nightly employees or give a “generous” severance if they don’t sue.

The book is left open with the potential of the malignant hive still living on that location (former burial ground) and the missing people possibly still in it.

I’m curious whether the author is going to attempt a sequel.

PS: I loved the alternate cover at the end of the book.