“Politically Correct” Male Descriptions

He does not have a beer gut…
He has developed a Liquid Grain Storage Facility.

He is not quiet…
He is a Conversational Minimalist.

He is not stupid…
He suffers from Minimal Cranial Development.

He does not get lost all the time…
He discovers Alternative Destinations.

He is not balding…
He is in Follicle Regression.

He is not a cradle robber…
He prefers Generationally Differential Relationships.

He does not get falling-down drunk…
He becomes Accidentally Horizontal.

He does not have his head up his ass…
He suffers from Rectal-Cranial Inversion.

He is not short…
He is Anatomically Compact.

He does not have a rich daddy…
He is a Recipient of Parental Asset Infusion.

He does not constantly talk about cars…
He has a Vehicular Addiction.

He does not have a hot body…
He is Physically Combustible.

He is not unsophisticated…
He is Socially Challenged.

He does not eat like a pig…
He suffers from Reverse Bulimia.

He is not a bad dancer…
He is Overly Caucasian.

He is not a sex machine…
He is Romantically Automated.

He does not hog the blankets…
He is Thermally Unappreciative.

He is not a male chauvinist pig…
He has Swine Empathy.

He does not undress you with his eyes…
He has an Introspective Pornographic Moment.

He is not afraid of commitment…
He is Monogamously Challenged.

“Politically Correct” Female Descriptions

She does not: Get PMS
She becomes: HORMONALLY HOMICIDAL

She does not have: A Killer Body
She is: GEOMETRICALLY SUPERIOR

She is not: A Bad Cook
She is: MICROWAVE COMPATIBLE

She is not: A Bad Driver
She is: AUTOMOTIVELY CHALLENGED

She is not: Easy
She is: HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE

She does not: Wear Too Much Make-Up
She is: COSMETICALLY OVERSATURATED

She will never: Gain Weight
She will become: A METABOLIC UNDERACHIEVER

She is not: A Screamer Or Moaner
She is: VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE

She will never: Sag
She will become: GRAVITATIONALLY CHALLENGED

She does not have: Big Hair
She is: OVERLY AEROSOLED